I have here some pics of my latest secondhand haul. It's been a couple of weeks and I was thirsty!
This red dress is very fine corduroy. Long and lean.
Great for my don't-touch-my-stomach grouchy days.
I will also wear this as a long line jacket.
(It doesn't count as another jacket in my jacket stuffed closet if it can be worn as a dress;-)
Here I've paired it with a linen jacket I had problems finding a use for. And it feels great with this. You just never know, do you!
Of course the shining jewel is this silk scarf. Made in Italy for Tie Rack. Stuck in a scarf bin with all the other polyester disasters. But my little fingers and eyes rooted it out.Very triumphant! Ha Ha!
I'm on a mission to fill my wardrobe with more natural fibres and more solid colours, since I've gone mad with fun prints, and now have nothing to wear as a foil. So here is a linen shirt which fits beautifully. with a mandarin collar.
This is a hemp shirt which is gloriously soft with interesting splits in the sleeve ends.
This is a gorgeous colour blue rayon shirt.
This scoop necked dress is cotton. Navy blue see through, so will need a slip.
This scoop neck dress is fine knit black wool. Will be interesting to style this with my skin sensitivity to wool!
This suit I grabbed at the last minute for $8. It's beautifully handmade with lining. It fits the top with sleeves long enough!!!! The skirt will need to be taken in a smidge.
But the fabric is lovely. Maybe a little wool and silk? Will need to add colourful accents as this colour washes me out.
Interesting buttons too. The fabric colour is the same as the buttons as above.
Nice texture in the fabric. I'll feel very grown up in this!
And of course the piece de resistance, the silk scarf!
Very rich red and gold...mmm...mmm!
I do have a veeeeery slight love affair with silk.
Patti's Visible Monday on Not Dead Yet Style has had me thinking about visibility and what it means to me.
Here is my highly visible outfit I wore to a gathering the other week, with my wool kimono see Architectural Clothing about halfway down the page. I had many remarks about my layered spiderweb fishnets over my Muppet tights! So I felt highly visible.
Gold leather jacket, faux fur collar, tartan dress, white blouse- op shop
Boots, yellow tights - retail
Spider fishnets - Black Milk retail
Here is Mr Actor in a balaclava I made for him, trying to be invisible, but with visible thought.
He's a honey!
Being visible and taking up space in the world is a constant effort for some. In physical space, with ladies crossing their legs and not invading others' space in public, or people with larger than average bodies being made to feel shameful.
Or in aural space, with people speaking in soft voices. People even apologise for singing in public, like they are somehow hurting others! If I hear someone singing it makes my day! So why do we apologise? Surely we all have the same rights to populate the aural-sphere?
Do we not want others to judge us so we try to keep under the radar?
Don't we all want to be seen by someone? Really seen? Isn't this why we blog? I know it is for me.
Are we so used to putting up a mask where we are all victorious that we are afraid to be vulnerable?
How many people clean up before the cleaner comes? Heaven forbid the cleaner sees our mess!
I remember in my Mothers' Group days, we would visit each other's houses and although we were all struggling and barely coping with baby mess, we all tidied up and pretended our house was immaculate. We laughed at this and said we shouldn't put so much pressure on ourselves, but no one was game to be the only slob, to show their reality. (Of course the other side to this is that we often enjoyed having a clean house afterwards ;-)
I am often told how brave I am, showing my soft, not coping side. But I think that is the blessing Aspergers has given me, in that I don't know how to do anything else, but be honest. I know I also can over share, so I'm not advocating that, but being slightly more real and visible can bring amazing benefits, where others then share their reality with you and a bond and connection is made.
I'd like to share a poem I wrote on this subject. Hopefully you won't find it too dark!
In loving you
I give myself to you
brushing aside the enshrouding mists
intended to baffle
exposing my core
my vulnerable places
my raw weeping wounds
holding my breath -
waiting for your hiss of revulsion
I hear silence
and unbelieving open my eyes
to gaze on your beauty
as you in turn
let drop your cloaking mask
sharing your mutilation with me
Okay, enough soapbox! Come on over and see the folks at the shindig on Visible Mondays
at Not Dead Yet Style. We are highly visible in many ways, and we love it!
I write the following not to air all my problems to annoy others, but to hopefully help someone else who may be experiencing something similar.
Draw the line I am learning about setting boundaries recently. This is a difficult step for me, as I like people to like me, so find it hard to say no...anyone else identify? In the last little while I have been realising how setting boundaries is actually more helpful for others, because they get more of an idea of how much I can do. I think this is all part of deciding to be more up front about my Aspergers, and the overload issues it brings. In the past I've managed to cover it all up and pretend to be the same as everyone else. For a long time I managed it. But it seems lately, perhaps with the lower energy of age, I haven't been able to fake it like in the past. I've been suddenly becoming overwhelmed in situations I once managed in. This is quite difficult to discover, that I have to do less, and ask for more help.
I am the person who likes to dig in and work, and work, and work! I like to help and become deeply connected to projects I embark on. Now, I struggle to start, not knowing how much energy I will have at my disposal, and how much I can trust myself not to have a meltdown in public. This has happened, multiple times in the past. New strategies So my new strategy has been to go on a low dose of antidepressants, which seems to be giving me more of a coping window. I also have found aids like weighted blankets which help to calm my highly agitated system. I now alert people like Drs early in a consultation that I may suddenly get overwhelmed, and what form that will take. It seems that by announcing my difficulties I relax into the session, and so far have not melted down...which is amazing, as this was one of the more common places before. Friends So, back to boundaries. I recently sent out a letter to my closer friends asking their pardon for not contacting them recently, in letter or text etc. I said it was because I need my limited energy for day to day tasks, writing this blog which is giving me so much joy, and occasional musical sessions like teaching singing. This makes me feel highly uncomfortable, but I've realised that in the long run it's better for me. I hope my friends understand, and that I will work out ways to keep in touch which my energy resources allow. Family time I'm learning in family time, to ask for help from my kids, or say sorry I can't do the dishes, or I need some time out, without the searing guilt I have felt before. I am very good at guilt I've discovered, and it really is only self manufactured. So I throw it away. I have decided not to apologise for needing these accommodations, as I would before. I didn't ask for this disability, so it's not my fault, so therefore I have nothing to apologise or feel guilty for! I am concerned my kids growing up with a disabled parent will feel unsupported, with a sense of vertigo. I don't like that they see me fall apart. That sometimes I am in tears in situations that to the casual glance doesn't warrant it. I hope they are learning skills around supporting the weaker, and caring for others. I am glad that they know my struggle, that my brain sometimes shuts up shop. And very occasionally I see them looking at me for understanding when they go through similar instances. A feeling of kindred spirits. For this I am grateful, that I have an insider viewpoint and understanding in these tricky times. Self talk I won't allow any more negative self talk about how lazy or weak or tense or afraid etc. etc. I am. I am drawing boundaries around my self talk as well. I think this might be the hardest fight of all, because it's where it all stems from! So this is my current coalface. Maybe in time, I will be proud of myself as well!